Exam Week + Why I Haven't had Time for a New Post

Hey guys,

So, I know I haven't posted in a while, but this does NOT mean that I'm falling back into my 1-post-per-year thing...

Now that I've realized the beauty and value of blogging, that won't be happening again!

I haven't been posting simply because this is exam week and I haven't had time to work on anything anyone would want to read.  I have had several posts in the draft stages for the past few months and am slowly working on those, but I haven't had time to actually make a new post and I won't until Friday or Saturdayish...

In the meanwhile, thank you for staying subscribed.  Spread the word about this blog's craziness, eat more chocolate, learn the Schuhplattler, and go finish studying for YOUR exams!

*Note--by posting this blog post apologizing for not posting, not only have I apologized, but I have also remedied the problem by making a short blog post.  I no longer have a lack-of-recent-postings to apologize for!

P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N spells "procrastination!"

Ciao !!

How Tennis, Love, and Bagels can get you a free Designer Straitjacket in a Foreign Country

Hallo Leute !  

Fun fact which you probably already knew:   "Hallo" isn't just German.  It's also used as a greeting in Afrikaans, Danish, Dutch, Estonian, Norwegian, and several other languages.  If you can say "hallo," you already know your first word in over half a dozen languages!  Look at you--already multilingual and making me cry!  Not quite multilingual...but it's a start.  It's probably a safe greeting to use if you have no idea what language someone speaks.

Remember that time you woke up in a strange country where everyone was wearing Liederhosen, dancing the Schuhplattler on tables, drinking vodka, eating croissants, and singing Rigoletto with a thick Aussie accent?  If you had known this handy multicultural word, "hallo," you could have charmed them all into giving you free baklava and black forest cake (say "Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte") with your knowledge of foreign greetings.

What are some other words you should know that are found in many languages?

"Tennis," a word for a popular game played on a green court with a green ball, is also the same across several languages including Dutch, Danish, French, German, Klingon, Norwegian, and Italian.  Next time you go to another country and want to play tennis, you can express either your wishes or your insanity by running up to a random stranger, shouting "TENNIS," and wildly swinging an invisible racket in the air while singing about love and bagels...and how much you love bagels.  This might not earn you any Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte as with "hallo," but it could earn you a free straitjacket, which otherwise would cost you "$279.00 + $24.85 shipping" on Amazon.  Then you can go back to that strange Liederhosen-wearing-croissant-eating country you woke up in back in the second paragraph and join in dancing the Schuhplattler and singing Rigoletto in your new designer straitjacket!

There are many other words that are the same across several languages, but "hallo" and "tennis" are undoubtedly the two most important.  You now know how to greet people, increasing your chances of being invited to Schuhplattler-Rigoletto parties and foreign-food-eating events, and how to earn a free straitjacket by loudly professing your undying love of tennis and bagels.

Now go eat some Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte while you are pondering what kind of blog post you just read and shaking your head at my bad tennis puns!

 © 2015   Abby Danfora

Emily Dickinson: Blazing in gold and quenching in purple

I'm pressed for time, so I thought I'd share someone else's poems in a completely-attributed, non-plagiarized post.  We're reading a lot of Emily Dickinson's poetry in a class, and these are probably my favorites so far:

Blazing in gold and quenching in purple,
Leaping like leopards to the sky,
Then at the feet of the old horizon
Laying her spotted face, to die;

Stooping as low as the kitchen window,
Touching the roof and tinting the barn,
Kissing her bonnet to the meadow,
— And the juggler of day is gone!

Emily Dickinson: Blazing in Gold and Quenching in Purple

©Nancy Moser Photography

The mountain sat upon the plain 

In his eternal chair, 

His observation omnifold, 

His inquest everywhere. 

The seasons prayed around his knees, 

Like children round a sire: 

Grandfather of the days is he, 

Of dawn the ancestor.

Emily Dickinson: The Mountain Sat Upon the Plain


Ciao !

True Thanks: Inconvenient, Difficult, and Rewarding for Everyone Involved

As we're all getting ready for Thanksgiving festivities later today--buying last minute ingredients for the sweet potato casserole and wondering how we're going to deal with the in-laws coming over who always have us wondering "De quelle planète descendez-vous??"--it's easy to forget about friends and family in hospital, especially if we haven't seen them in years, when we've had a falling-out, or when it's just inconvenient to visit.  

We become so easily worried about finding a suitable gift basket to bring to a host's dinner, one that's not cheap or too showy and includes almonds but no peanuts, that we forget about our Aunt Marge who's recovering in the hospital from a bariatric surgery or about our annoying coworker, Greg, who's still in intensive care after a car accident. We so easily forget that these family members and acquaintances, however distantly we know them, enjoy and crave fellowship, particularly on Thanksgiving day, as much as we do.

We think it may be "too inconvenient" to visit these family members and acquaintances in hospital, and we justify our thoughts with the assumption that someone else will probably go visit them--they wouldn't want to see us anyways.  We don't send a card because cards are too old-fashioned and somehow whatever we write in them always sounds awkward and makes us feel uncomfortable.  We don't call because we're too afraid we'll have to say "I'm sorry" for the blow-up and harsh words we exchanged two years ago over a ruined carpet.

So, instead of visiting, sending cards, or even calling, we forget about our relatives and acquaintances in hospital and instead focus on the people we have an easy time spending time with.  It's easier to spend Thanksgiving with our best friend, with a significant other, or with someone with whom we have never argued before.  It's easy to spend time with people who have always treated us well and who make good Thanksgiving foods.  If our annoying coworker Greg doesn't have any visitors for Thanksgiving, it's his own fault for being such a jerk, right?  Of course, we feel "bad" that he was in a car accident, but we would never go visit him in the hospital ourselves because our interactions with him are the cause of so many headaches.  He must have some close family members or friends--let them visit Greg instead...right?

The thanks we give during Thanksgiving should transcend this initial unwillingness to spend time and energy on people when it's not the easy or convenient thing to do.  True "thanks" is not just a noun, nor is it easy.  Giving true "thanks" means extending our gratitude to others through our words and actions.  "Giving thanks" is a verb--we must do it, not just feel it.  If we are truly thankful, our thanks will spill over into compassion and empathy for others.  It's easy to celebrate our thanks with people who do us no wrong and who live less than five minutes away, and we extend our gratitude, compassion, and empathy to them without a second thought.  It's less easy to celebrate our thanks with people who are in a hospital an hour away and who we decided never to speak to again.  This, however, is true gratitude--showing thanks for all people in our lives, no matter what walls we have constructed to block them out.

By visiting or showing care for an "inconvenient" or "difficult" hospitalized family member or acquaintance, we not only come to realize and express our own deep gratitude for all people in our lives, but we help that patient to express and realize his own gratitude.  In fact, patients who have visitors, receive a card, or receive phone calls from friends and family are usually more determined to recover quickly than patients who can interact only with hospital staff.  Patients who interact only with hospital staff and do not receive cards or calls and have no one to have a non-medical conversation with quickly become frustrated.  They often do not wish to recover because they feel they have no one to recover for.  One patient on our floor had no visitors, cards, or phone calls during a hospital stay of several months and soon lost the will to even get up to walk.

In summary, here's a Thanksgiving challenge--make an uncomfortable, inconvenient effort to do one or a combination of these things:

     a)  visit someone you know who's in a hospital--take the time and effort to extend your "Thanks"giving to a family member or acquaintance, especially if you have a hard time facing him, be it because it's inconvenient or emotionally/mentally difficult.  Maybe he is like the patient on our floor who had no visitors for months and you'll be the first to express active "Thanks"giving.

    b)  IF you do not know anyone in a hospital (this means visit anyone you know first), go to a nurses' station on a patient floor in a hospital and ask if there are any patients without visitors, cards, or phone calls whom you can visit.  Spend 30 minutes to an hour just talking with a patient, and extend your "Thanks"giving to them.

    c)   I know many people have definite Thanksgiving plans.  If this is the case, and you CANNOT (not "cannot conveniently," but are actually incapable) visit family members, acquaintances, or random lonely patients, make a phone call, send an email, or Skype chat with someone you know who's in a hospital.  Offer support, and arrange a time to physically visit that person within the next month--maybe for Christmas!

    d)   Send a card to someone you know who's in a hospital--you'd be surprised how few cards patients get.  In my entire unit, I typically see fewer than four or five people who have received a card.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Haikus For "Yous"

Hallo mes amis,
I wrote some haikus for "yous"
amuse-toi; merci:


I wrote some haikus.
You are reading them right now,
wishing I hadn't.


PC restarted
I was working on some stuff.
Now it is erased.


I'm drowning in math;
It's linear programming.
"It's simple," they say.


Your ad on YouTube
Does not make me more likely
To buy your product.


Your ad on YouTube
Does make me much more likely
to close YouTube tabs.


Sherlock wears trench coats
And so do I; so therefore...
make your deductions.


I miss France right now;
So many good foods to eat,
such beautiful light.


J'ai un espresso.
Ich liebe dich, espresso,
comme le chocolat


Why espresso "shots?"
I'd like a full cupful please...
not this tiny thing.


What is this "bae" stuff?
"Swedish defense company??"
Stop using this please!


If you give me cheese,
I will love you forever
but I won't share it.


You are wondering:
"How many more of these things
do I have to read?!?"


This is the last one.
Merci beaucoup--will write more.
Subscribe to this blog.

 © 2016   Abby Danfora

A Modern Mrs. Shimerda

Halloween gets creepier and creepier each year.

People don't say "trick-or-treat" anymore.  They don't even say "hi," let alone "thank you" when they come to your door.  They stare at you with creepy eyes and grab half of what's in the bowl, then turn and clamber back up the driveway, groaning like the undead because we gave out Snickers instead of Starbursts.  For starters, who in their right mind would prefer Starbursts to Snickers?

If I say anything like "don't you want to leave some for other people?", they'll just look up from the bowl, blink a few times, and grab another handful.  Most of "them" aren't even kids.  Many are old enough to be my parents, some even to be my grandparents.

Four or five years ago, when I first started staying home to give out candy and watch TCM movies instead of trick-or-treating, most people still dressed up in costumes.  Everyone walked door-to-door, either because gas prices were too high to drive or because they weren't afraid of burning some calories before eating several thousand more in candy.  Kids would say "trick-or-treat" and usually took only one or two things voluntarily, sometimes three after asking if they could.  The same families would come back year after year, and only the kids took candy--not the kids and the kids' parents and the kids' grandparents.  No one took "some extras" for their fifteen cousins with broken ankles or for their dogs who "just love" candy.

Now, everyone drives huge vans and SUVs door to door, and I half wonder why some people don't just drive golf carts up the driveway from their SUVs to our front door as well.  Kids pound furiously on the doorbell until I'm sure they're going to break the door down with a battering ram, and it often turns out they're not even kids.  One lady has come to our door with her grandson for the past three years (with her own bucket for candy), and I'm sure she's at least 60.  She's a modern Mrs. Shimerda (go read My Ántonia...now!).  I honestly don't mind her that much because she's sweet and at least smiles and actually has a kid with her, but most of the other adults going door-to-door don't have a kid anywhere to be seen and don't bother trying to be nice.

What's more, half of the people who come trick-or-treating don't say "trick-or-treat" or "hi" or even smile like the 60-year-old lady.  They smile like the guy in the trailer of The Purge, sometimes complete with machete.

There is one traditional family each year.  They dressed up as a family of demonios once, as vampires the year after.  They all wear full costumes--mom, dad, and all three kids--but the parents don't have their own buckets for candy and they insist that their children be polite and not run off with our whole bowl of offerings.  They don't have fifteen cousins back at home with broken ankles who couldn't go trick-or-treating on their own, they don't drive a huge SUV that blocks out the moon, they don't pound on the door and wail like banshees because we're giving out Snickers instead of Starbursts.  They understand the simple fact that candy with chocolate is infinitely better than candy without chocolate.

Ironically, they don't speak English very well, but they say "trick-or-treat" and "please" and "thank you" and even talk to me about their costumes.  For people who barely speak English, they say a whole lot more than most people who come to the door speaking English as a first language.  They smile--and not like the Joker or like characters out of The Purge.  Each year, it's refreshing to see them waltzing up the driveway after hordes of Starburst-thirsty adults in ripped jeans and faded college t-shirts have stormed through.

I guess my question is, "Why has the average trick-or-treater family gone from being like the nice demonio family to being a horde of modern Mrs. Shimerdas?"  Are there still neighborhoods of legit trick-or-treaters, or is this the new norm?  

What will the average trick-or-treater be like when the little demonio kids grow up and are giving out candy themselves?

"Packing up my Dinosaurs"

Hey all,

I have over a dozen posts still in the draft stages and no time to really work on a real post or poem or short story (or anything) for a while, but I also don't want to fall back into making one post per year.  Since I don't have time to be creative, shouldn't and won't plagiarize, and want to keep at least some of you checking back here every few months, here are some fully-attributed quotes. Some are funny, some are inspiring, some could be taken either way...

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"  -L.M. Montgomery

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."  -Oscar Wilde

“Le plus grand faible des hommes, c'est l'amour qu'ils ont de la vie. ” —Molière (Translates roughly to:  "The greatest failure of men is the love they have of life")

"Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all."  -William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts" -Jim Morrison

"...to love is never wrong.  It may be disastrous; it may never be possible; it may be the deepest agony.  But it is never wrong."  -Alison Croggon   

"We are all mistaken sometimes; sometimes we do wrong things, things that have bad consequences.  But it does not mean we are evil, or that we cannot be trusted ever afterward." -Alison Croggon

“I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.” -Ray Bradbury

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.” ― Garrison Keillor

Merci mes amis,
Ciao !