As we're all getting ready for Thanksgiving festivities later today--buying last minute ingredients for the sweet potato casserole and wondering how we're going to deal with the in-laws coming over who always have us wondering "De quelle planète descendez-vous??"--it's easy to forget about friends and family in hospital, especially if we haven't seen them in years, when we've had a falling-out, or when it's just inconvenient to visit.
We become so easily worried about finding a suitable gift basket to bring to a host's dinner, one that's not cheap or too showy and includes almonds but no peanuts, that we forget about our Aunt Marge who's recovering in the hospital from a bariatric surgery or about our annoying coworker, Greg, who's still in intensive care after a car accident. We so easily forget that these family members and acquaintances, however distantly we know them, enjoy and crave fellowship, particularly on Thanksgiving day, as much as we do.
We think it may be "too inconvenient" to visit these family members and acquaintances in hospital, and we justify our thoughts with the assumption that someone else will probably go visit them--they wouldn't want to see us anyways. We don't send a card because cards are too old-fashioned and somehow whatever we write in them always sounds awkward and makes us feel uncomfortable. We don't call because we're too afraid we'll have to say "I'm sorry" for the blow-up and harsh words we exchanged two years ago over a ruined carpet.
So, instead of visiting, sending cards, or even calling, we forget about our relatives and acquaintances in hospital and instead focus on the people we have an easy time spending time with. It's easier to spend Thanksgiving with our best friend, with a significant other, or with someone with whom we have never argued before. It's easy to spend time with people who have always treated us well and who make good Thanksgiving foods. If our annoying coworker Greg doesn't have any visitors for Thanksgiving, it's his own fault for being such a jerk, right? Of course, we feel "bad" that he was in a car accident, but we would never go visit him in the hospital ourselves because our interactions with him are the cause of so many headaches. He must have some close family members or friends--let them visit Greg instead...right?
The thanks we give during Thanksgiving should transcend this initial unwillingness to spend time and energy on people when it's not the easy or convenient thing to do. True "thanks" is not just a noun, nor is it easy. Giving true "thanks" means extending our gratitude to others through our words and actions. "Giving thanks" is a verb--we must do it, not just feel it. If we are truly thankful, our thanks will spill over into compassion and empathy for others. It's easy to celebrate our thanks with people who do us no wrong and who live less than five minutes away, and we extend our gratitude, compassion, and empathy to them without a second thought. It's less easy to celebrate our thanks with people who are in a hospital an hour away and who we decided never to speak to again. This, however, is true gratitude--showing thanks for all people in our lives, no matter what walls we have constructed to block them out.
By visiting or showing care for an "inconvenient" or "difficult" hospitalized family member or acquaintance, we not only come to realize and express our own deep gratitude for all people in our lives, but we help that patient to express and realize his own gratitude. In fact, patients who have visitors, receive a card, or receive phone calls from friends and family are usually more determined to recover quickly than patients who can interact only with hospital staff. Patients who interact only with hospital staff and do not receive cards or calls and have no one to have a non-medical conversation with quickly become frustrated. They often do not wish to recover because they feel they have no one to recover for. One patient on our floor had no visitors, cards, or phone calls during a hospital stay of several months and soon lost the will to even get up to walk.
In summary, here's a Thanksgiving challenge--make an uncomfortable, inconvenient effort to do one or a combination of these things:
a) visit someone you know who's in a hospital--take the time and effort to extend your "Thanks"giving to a family member or acquaintance, especially if you have a hard time facing him, be it because it's inconvenient or emotionally/mentally difficult. Maybe he is like the patient on our floor who had no visitors for months and you'll be the first to express active "Thanks"giving.
b) IF you do not know anyone in a hospital (this means visit anyone you know first), go to a nurses' station on a patient floor in a hospital and ask if there are any patients without visitors, cards, or phone calls whom you can visit. Spend 30 minutes to an hour just talking with a patient, and extend your "Thanks"giving to them.
c) I know many people have definite Thanksgiving plans. If this is the case, and you CANNOT (not "cannot conveniently," but are actually incapable) visit family members, acquaintances, or random lonely patients, make a phone call, send an email, or Skype chat with someone you know who's in a hospital. Offer support, and arrange a time to physically visit that person within the next month--maybe for Christmas!
d) Send a card to someone you know who's in a hospital--you'd be surprised how few cards patients get. In my entire unit, I typically see fewer than four or five people who have received a card.
Happy Thanksgiving!
